Kristena Tunstall

  • Home
  • Bible Study Quiet Time
    • Jen Hatmaker
      • A Modern Girl’s Guide to Bible Study
  • Speaking/Webinars
  • Our Daughter’s Hospital Story
  • Blog
Kristena Tunstall > My Writing > In The Moment > Thanksgiving

Posted on November 26, 2009 By Mommy's Angel in Heaven

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is a day where families and loved ones come together to spend time with one another. It’s a day I don’t look forward to.

I used to love this time of year. When anyone first arrives, everyone wishes them a Happy Thanksgiving. Most are genuine while some it’s just what you are supposed to say this day. Like last year, I will nod my head in acknowledgement but I won’t say it back. I feel that saying “it” would be ingenue on my part and why say something you really don’t mean. Please don’t get me wrong. I love Keith’s family with all my heart; I just don’t feel thankful without having Mar-Mar here. This day makes me just miss her more.

The thing I loved the most about Thanksgiving in the past was making my homemade pies. I would make everything from scratch to the best of my ability, to include the best tasting pie crust. I have always loved to make pies since I made my first one as an adult. People tell me they taste great. But to make them for this day is a whole other ball of wax. It means I would be making them to say I was thankful for the day when I am not. So this year we went to Dominick’s and purchased Sara Lee frozen pies: 2 pumpkin, 1 apple, and 1 cherry. I’m sure they’ll be just fine, but I certainly didn’t feel like making them.

If I had my way, we wouldn’t even be going. All I get to do is go over to Keith’s parent’s house and put a fake smile on my face all day. We won’t talk about Mari. I feel like if we talk about Mari, everyone thinks I’ll fall apart and break like a porcelain doll because I cry. Keith and his family don’t like to show emotions. That’s how they were all raised. However, I was raised that crying is just something you do. I cry when I get angry. I cry when I’m sad. I cry when I’m happy. I guess you could say it’s how I show my emotions. Whereas I know Keith and his family are truly uncomfortable with that and become uncomfortable around those who do. You can’t fault them for this and this makes them who they are and I love every last one of them. But for me it means I have to put on my fake smile and pretend I’m happy to be there when in reality I’d rather just stay home for the day.

Now it comes down to eating dinner. Everyone gathers around the dining room table and says what they’re thankful for. Well, I HATE this part now. I HATE it with a passion. To say I am thankful is like I’m saying I’m “thankful” that Mari is gone. I tend to replace the word “thankful” with “grateful” instead. I know the word is a subtle difference but I can honestly say things I’m grateful for. I have been able to say I’m grateful I’m still here and making it through without Mari being here with us. It’s been the hardest thing I’ve ever done. However, in no way shape or form am I thankful for that as I want Mari here with me instead. I hope I’m making sense.

The rest of the day will consist of being around each other, talking and doing whatever. Personally, I can’t wait until we are back home again by ourselves and we still have a little over an hour before we even get there.

So, personally, I’ll wish everyone a very Grateful day.

I love you, Baby Girl, and Mommy misses you so much.

Love, Mommy

 

Bad Days They Come and Go

December 16, 2009 Mommy's Angel in Heaven 1
You know, I can sit here all month long and seem to be just fine. Then the 15th comes and something just seems to be plain flat off. I can't seem to put my finger on it but it's just off. Then at some point during the day (or night)…
 

T'was the Night Before Our Lives Changed

November 25, 2009 Mommy's Angel in Heaven 5
T’was the night before our lives changed, forever in our house, No one could have known, not even a mouse. For our hopes hung in the balance with all human care, In the hopes that our prayers would be answered right there. The people who loved her went off to…

signature
Post Views: 1,598

Related

Comments

  1. Sylvia Bray says

    December 13, 2009 at 7:49 pm

    I found the second year as hard or harder than the first to go through holidays without my baby, because it hurt as much or more – healing is so slow, and there is always a scar that hurts when it is rubbed. But somehow God brings someone to share with, and uses that hurt – For me, I realized it helped me understand and grieve with others. I am continuing to pray for you and Keith – for strength for Thanksgiving, and Christmas too

Site Archives

  • ►2020 (6)
    • ►June (3)
    • ►May (1)
    • ►January (2)
  • ►2019 (1)
    • ►March (1)
  • ►2018 (4)
    • ►November (2)
    • ►July (2)
  • ►2017 (15)
    • ►November (1)
    • ►May (10)
    • ►March (4)
  • ►2016 (11)
    • ►December (1)
    • ►October (1)
    • ►February (9)
  • ►2015 (22)
    • ►December (1)
    • ►November (5)
    • ►October (3)
    • ►April (1)
    • ►March (4)
    • ►February (3)
    • ►January (5)
  • ►2014 (221)
    • ►December (6)
    • ►November (6)
    • ►October (4)
    • ►September (3)
    • ►August (1)
    • ►July (3)
    • ►June (28)
    • ►May (15)
    • ►April (56)
    • ►March (34)
    • ►February (30)
    • ►January (35)
  • ►2013 (346)
    • ►December (34)
    • ►November (28)
    • ►October (50)
    • ►September (53)
    • ►August (22)
    • ►June (11)
    • ►May (31)
    • ►April (56)
    • ►March (31)
    • ►February (28)
    • ►January (2)
  • ►2012 (82)
    • ►December (6)
    • ►November (1)
    • ►October (1)
    • ►September (4)
    • ►August (11)
    • ►July (15)
    • ►June (9)
    • ►May (10)
    • ►April (3)
    • ►March (11)
    • ►February (9)
    • ►January (2)
  • ►2011 (46)
    • ►November (1)
    • ►June (3)
    • ►May (9)
    • ►April (1)
    • ►March (6)
    • ►February (7)
    • ►January (19)
  • ►2010 (43)
    • ►December (1)
    • ►November (1)
    • ►October (2)
    • ►September (1)
    • ►July (3)
    • ►June (12)
    • ►May (10)
    • ►April (2)
    • ►March (3)
    • ►February (5)
    • ►January (3)
  • ►2009 (49)
    • ►December (5)
    • ►November (2)
    • ►October (1)
    • ►September (4)
    • ►July (2)
    • ►June (1)
    • ►May (4)
    • ►April (7)
    • ►March (4)
    • ►February (9)
    • ►January (10)
  • ►2008 (34)
    • ►December (11)
    • ►November (15)
    • ►October (8)
  • Facebook
  • Google+
  • Twitter
My Tweets
Follow @MommysAngelHeav
  • Archives
  • Categories
  • Tags
Archives
  • ►2020 (6)
    • ►June (3)
    • ►May (1)
    • ►January (2)
  • ►2019 (1)
    • ►March (1)
  • ►2018 (4)
    • ►November (2)
    • ►July (2)
  • ►2017 (15)
    • ►November (1)
    • ►May (10)
    • ►March (4)
  • ►2016 (11)
    • ►December (1)
    • ►October (1)
    • ►February (9)
  • ►2015 (22)
    • ►December (1)
    • ►November (5)
    • ►October (3)
    • ►April (1)
    • ►March (4)
    • ►February (3)
    • ►January (5)
  • ►2014 (221)
    • ►December (6)
    • ►November (6)
    • ►October (4)
    • ►September (3)
    • ►August (1)
    • ►July (3)
    • ►June (28)
    • ►May (15)
    • ►April (56)
    • ►March (34)
    • ►February (30)
    • ►January (35)
  • ►2013 (346)
    • ►December (34)
    • ►November (28)
    • ►October (50)
    • ►September (53)
    • ►August (22)
    • ►June (11)
    • ►May (31)
    • ►April (56)
    • ►March (31)
    • ►February (28)
    • ►January (2)
  • ►2012 (82)
    • ►December (6)
    • ►November (1)
    • ►October (1)
    • ►September (4)
    • ►August (11)
    • ►July (15)
    • ►June (9)
    • ►May (10)
    • ►April (3)
    • ►March (11)
    • ►February (9)
    • ►January (2)
  • ►2011 (46)
    • ►November (1)
    • ►June (3)
    • ►May (9)
    • ►April (1)
    • ►March (6)
    • ►February (7)
    • ►January (19)
  • ►2010 (43)
    • ►December (1)
    • ►November (1)
    • ►October (2)
    • ►September (1)
    • ►July (3)
    • ►June (12)
    • ►May (10)
    • ►April (2)
    • ►March (3)
    • ►February (5)
    • ►January (3)
  • ►2009 (49)
    • ►December (5)
    • ►November (2)
    • ►October (1)
    • ►September (4)
    • ►July (2)
    • ►June (1)
    • ►May (4)
    • ►April (7)
    • ►March (4)
    • ►February (9)
    • ►January (10)
  • ►2008 (34)
    • ►December (11)
    • ►November (15)
    • ►October (8)
Categories
  • ►About Books… (22)
    • ►Book – The Unknown Door (3)
    • ►Book Reviews (5)
    • ►Featured Books (14)
  • ►Announcements (2)
  • ►Featured Posts (8)
  • ▼Holidays (39)
    • ►4th of July (5)
    • ►Birthdays (6)
    • ►Christmas (6)
    • ►Easter (1)
    • ►Father’s Day (1)
    • ►Memorial Day (1)
    • ►Mother’s Day (4)
    • ►New Year’s (2)
    • ►Tax Time (1)
    • ▼Thanksgiving (4)
      • The holidays...
      • Thanksgiving
      • Contemplating Christmas
      • Happy Thanksgiving
    • ►Valentine’s Day (1)
    • ►Wedding Anniversary (6)
    • Memorial Day
  • ►Interviews (2)
  • ►Miscellaneous (1)
  • ►Miscellaneous (6)
    • ►VotD (1)
  • ▼Mommys Angel in Heaven (246)
    • ►Featured Posts mommys (2)
    • ►Multimedia moms mommys (1)
      • ►Videos mommys (1)
    • ►My Writing mommys (10)
      • ►In Response mommys (1)
      • ►In The Moment mommys (4)
      • ►Monthly Blog Chain mommys (1)
      • ►Reflection mommys (2)
      • ►Stories mommys (1)
        • ►Nonfiction mommys (1)
    • We Miss Her So Much...
    • Tomorrow...
    • Time...
    • What does the word Mariana mean?
    • I Will Always Remember Mari…
    • Mommy's Dream
    • Memories...
    • Mari's World - Can You Just Imagine
    • Friendship at its best
    • Keith's Retirement
    • Loneliness, how it must feel
    • My Thoughts
    • Mari's Spirit
    • Communication, How Hard Is It Really?
    • 4 Months...
    • True Friendship
    • Army Drill Team
    • The holidays...
    • Stop and Think
    • Today...
    • What if I could have what I wanted
    • Letter from Heaven
    • A tribute from a very special teacher
    • A Dedication to Mariana
    • A Dedication to My Other Half
    • Praise You In This Storm
    • A Poem to Mari
    • Mari's Song
    • On our way to Hawaii
    • Time and How Precious It Really Is
    • A tribute to Mariana
    • Back from Hawaii
    • Mari's 9th birthday was today
    • T'was the Night Before Our Lives Changed
    • Our Angel In Heaven
    • Went to see Movie, It's wasn't supposed to be sad
    • Thank you for reading and listening...
    • What do you say to someone who has lost a child?
    • 6 months have come and gone
    • Sitting Here Dazed and Confused
    • Suddenly and Out of the Blue, It Hits You
    • Remembering Mari, how sweet it really is!!
    • Thoughts...
    • Preacakes
    • Posting Comments and To Those Who Care
    • Two Weeks and Two Days
    • The Value of a Mom’s Tears (or Dad's)
    • Can Two People Really Grieve That Differently?
    • 8 Months Have Come and Gone
    • Wonder and Confusion For What Life Brings Us
    • Mari's Crayons
    • Music of the Heart
    • To The Love Of My Life - married 15 years February 18
    • T'was the Night Before Our Lives Changed
    • Life In General...
    • Today is 8 months
    • Today has been a day
    • Marie’s Unrealized Dream
    • Loneliness
    • Comments and Feedback
    • Missing her...
    • Sitting in class...
    • How am I supposed to live my life without her?
    • "Held"...
    • Pictures...
    • Shopping...
    • It's coming...
    • Mother's Day is Here
    • Approaching 11 months…
    • A Mother’s Love Never Fades
    • When We Think of 4th of July
    • Time Keeps on Treking
    • Thinking about Mari
    • Justing Sitting Here...
    • Mariana: A Personality Exuded
    • The Unexpected Journey
    • T'was the Night Before Our Lives Changed
    • Thanksgiving
    • Bad Days They Come and Go
    • The One
    • Contemplating Christmas
    • HER FINAL DAY
    • Did you know that Angels are among us?
    • Mari's Hospital Story
    • Touching Souls Bereavement Photography
    • That Hideous Doctrine by John Thomas
    • 16 Years of Wedded Bliss, Could Anyone Ask For Anything More
    • To Feel Lucky...
    • The days, months, and years to come
    • Talking from the heart...
    • That Empty Spot
    • It's that time of year...
    • The dreaded deed has been done
    • Paperwork Junkies
    • Changes
    • I Died
    • Moving Time...
    • Mari's Dress
    • Just sitting here thinking
    • Love The One Your With
    • Iris and Kristena
    • It's time to get in shape
    • Strength…
    • To Lose Weight or Not To Lose Weight: That is the Question
    • Then it hits ya
    • Memorial Day
    • It Happens At the Strangest Time
    • Do you have any kids?
    • How quickly time flies before we realize...
    • New Page Added: Blogroll
    • Updated: Polls page
    • New Pages Added: Her Hospital Story
    • When life throws you a curve ball (man, all I wanted was a fast one :) )
    • Julie and Sylvia
    • New features added you will enjoy
    • Revamped our Guestbook
    • The Start of a New Day
    • July Sucks!
    • Tangible Things
    • Sitting here thinking...
    • Facebook...
    • An update...
    • Jackie Evancho
    • Driving...
    • several entries coming...
    • The struggles of life...
    • Unchoices
    • Marriage
    • Work at Walmart
    • Unfinished...
    • Harder to write these days...
    • "Out of these ashes beauty will rise"
    • Missing her...
    • Playing Games
    • Missing the imporant moments
    • The magic of love
    • Justin Bieber
    • Singing...
    • Find a new church home
    • Writing through tragedy
    • Seeing Mari again
    • Rules aren't meant to be followed right?!?!
    • Grateful for the little things in life
    • Winter
    • Keith's 40th
    • Super Bowl Sunday
    • Going on Business
    • Not again...
    • He's back...
    • I'm still amazed...
    • Mari's Book is Done
    • The Waiting Game
    • Women's Retreat first entry
    • Women's Retreat second entry
    • Women's Retreat third entry
    • Moments
    • Mari's book
    • Missing Her...
    • I am needing help...
    • The Tears of Mother's Day
    • A Special Sneak Peak
    • Updated chapters 1 & 2
    • New Possible Book Cover
    • Please let me know which book cover you like best
    • Updated the first couple of chapters
    • Moving forward with the book
    • Just sitting here thinking...
    • Life's Moments...
    • Changes in life...
    • Life's moments and other things...
    • Having Kids
    • Old and New
    • Things that happen
    • Exciting Times
    • Reflecting...
    • A Mother's Love
    • What does the word "savior" mean to you?
    • Monthly Blog Chain
    • Today kind of sucked for me
    • The innocence of a child
    • A hole in your heart
    • Becoming a Writer
    • Remember back...
    • Giving your life over
    • This Year's Ladies Retreat in Gatlinburg
    • What do we have to be thankful for?
    • It's kind of amazing...
    • Savoring every moment
    • You just never know...
    • The Unexpected Journey - Revised
    • Joy
    • Happiness
    • Writing Fiction
    • Having Pain...
    • What does it mean to nurture?
    • Needing prayer please
    • Hitting "The Mark"
    • Being Thankful
    • It's been 4 years...
    • A slight change to my fundraising
    • Memory, the good, the bad, and the bittersweet
    • Unexpected turns in the road...
    • Reflecting on Mari's posts...
    • Sitting here thinking
    • All in a picture
    • A Sad Day
    • "Oh that won't happen to me"
    • Special Unforgettable Moments
    • Something New (and hopefully exciting): A 365 Day Journey
    • Day 1: Switchbacks up the Mountain
    • Timing...
    • Day 2: Sacred Space
    • Day 3: The Holy Calling
    • Day 4: Choosing Story Over Relatives
    • Day 5: Getting Caught
    • Day 6: Daring to Tell
    • Day 7: Jumping Off
    • Day 8: The Voice that Chirps and Chirps
    • Day 9: Getting Permission
    • Day 10: Working Out
    • Day 11: Racing Hearts and Churning Stomachs
    • Day 12: Patience
    • Day 13: The Matanuska Valley and Other Diversions
    • Day 14: Waiting for Pizza
    • Day 15: People in a Jam
    • Day 16: Exploding Typewriters, Smoking Computers
    • Day 17: Love Thy Reader
    • 19 Years Today
    • Day 18: Your Validation Posse
    • Day 19: The Five Characteristics of Good Writing
    • Day 20: Naked in the Hallway
    • KLove on the brain...
    • Our Father's Love
  • ►Multimedia (20)
    • ►Photos (4)
    • ►Slideshow (2)
    • ►Videos (12)
      • ►YouTube (7)
  • ►My Journeys (306)
    • ►365 Day Writing Journey (152)
    • ►A to Z Challenge (68)
    • ►A to Z Challenge mommys (30)
    • ►NaBloPoMo (56)
  • ▼My Writing (551)
    • ►365 Days (185)
    • ►Bible Study Quiet Time (93)
      • ►Jen Hatmaker (42)
        • ►A Modern Girl’s Guide to Bible Study (21)
      • ►Priscilla Shirer (2)
        • ►The Armor of God (1)
    • ►In Response (37)
    • ▼In The Moment (149)
      • We Miss Her So Much...
      • Tomorrow...
      • Loneliness, how it must feel
      • Mari's Spirit
      • Communication, How Hard Is It Really?
      • 4 Months...
      • True Friendship
      • The holidays...
      • Stop and Think
      • What if I could have what I wanted
      • A Dedication to My Other Half
      • On our way to Hawaii
      • Time and How Precious It Really Is
      • Back from Hawaii
      • Went to see Movie, It's wasn't supposed to be sad
      • Thank you for reading and listening...
      • What do you say to someone who has lost a child?
      • 6 months have come and gone
      • Sitting Here Dazed and Confused
      • Suddenly and Out of the Blue, It Hits You
      • Remembering Mari, how sweet it really is!!
      • Posting Comments and To Those Who Care
      • Can Two People Really Grieve That Differently?
      • 8 Months Have Come and Gone
      • Mari's Crayons
      • Music of the Heart
      • Today is 8 months
      • Today has been a day
      • Loneliness
      • Comments and Feedback
      • Missing her...
      • Sitting in class...
      • How am I supposed to live my life without her?
      • Pictures...
      • Shopping...
      • It's coming...
      • Mother's Day is Here
      • Approaching 11 months…
      • When We Think of 4th of July
      • Time Keeps on Treking
      • Thinking about Mari
      • Thanksgiving
      • Bad Days They Come and Go
      • Contemplating Christmas
      • 16 Years of Wedded Bliss, Could Anyone Ask For Anything More
      • To Feel Lucky...
      • The days, months, and years to come
      • Talking from the heart...
      • That Empty Spot
      • It's that time of year...
      • The dreaded deed has been done
      • Paperwork Junkies
      • Moving Time...
      • Mari's Dress
      • Just sitting here thinking
      • Love The One Your With
      • Iris and Kristena
      • It's time to get in shape
      • Strength…
      • To Lose Weight or Not To Lose Weight: That is the Question
      • Then it hits ya
      • Do you have any kids?
      • New Pages Added: Her Hospital Story
      • When life throws you a curve ball (man, all I wanted was a fast one :) )
      • Julie and Sylvia
      • The Start of a New Day
      • July Sucks!
      • Tangible Things
      • Sitting here thinking...
      • Facebook...
      • A Day in the Life of a Grieving Mommy
      • An update...
      • Jackie Evancho
      • The struggles of life...
      • Unchoices
      • Marriage
      • Work at Walmart
      • Unfinished...
      • Harder to write these days...
      • Missing her...
      • Justin Bieber
      • Singing...
      • Find a new church home
      • Rules aren't meant to be followed right?!?!
      • Grateful for the little things in life
      • Super Bowl Sunday
      • I'm still amazed...
      • Mari's Book is Done
      • The Waiting Game
      • Women's Retreat first entry
      • Women's Retreat second entry
      • Moments
      • Mari's book
      • Missing Her...
      • The Tears of Mother's Day
      • A Special Sneak Peak
      • Having Kids
      • Things that happen
      • Exciting Times
      • Today kind of sucked for me
      • The innocence of a child
      • Remember back...
      • Giving your life over
      • This Year's Ladies Retreat in Gatlinburg
      • It's kind of amazing...
      • Writing Fiction
      • Needing prayer please
      • Starting to work on Mari's book again
      • Writing Mari's story
      • A book worth mentioning
      • Unexpected turns in the road...
      • Sitting here thinking
      • All in a picture
      • A Sad Day
      • "Oh that won't happen to me"
      • 19 Years Today
      • Taxes, Oh What Fun
      • Memorial Day
      • Birthdays
      • Laura Story
      • Missing my writing
      • I Can Only Imagine...
      • KLove on the brain...
      • My 365 Day Journey
      • Happiness and Finding It within Yourself
      • Moments Where Prayer Is Needed
      • Not For A Moment (Meredith Andrews)
      • Billy Graham and My Life
      • Been a little absent
      • Our website has an addition to the header
      • Seeing the Gift
      • Going through Mari’s stuff
      • Happy Birthday Mariana. You're 15 Today (or you would've been :( ) #acfw #lossofchild
      • Knowing when a joke isn't funny
      • Life's Too Short
      • It's Time to Stand Strong
      • Motivation... Or the Lack There of
      • Have You Ever Felt Lonely?
      • 5 Things to Find Happiness In
      • How Do I Get My Priorities Straight?
      • Is There Such a Thing as a Perfect Job?
      • Do You Have Shiny-Object Syndrome?
      • Sharing My Struggle
      • Living Hope
      • Out of Control
      • Happy New Year #2020
      • #2020 - Looking Back
      • Thoughts, Reflections, and More (#bestill)
      • Loss… Then Blessings Abound… #believer #blessings #beyondgrateful
    • ►Monthly Blog Chain (3)
    • ►My Journeys (2)
    • ►Reflection (68)
    • ►S.H.E. Time (2)
    • ►Time (6)
    • Tomorrow...
    • Time...
    • What does the word Mariana mean?
    • Mari's Hospital Story
    • several entries coming...
    • Women's Retreat third entry
    • I am needing help...
    • Updated chapters 1 & 2
    • New Possible Book Cover
    • Please let me know which book cover you like best
    • Updated the first couple of chapters
    • Moving forward with the book
    • Just sitting here thinking...
    • Life's Moments...
    • Life's moments and other things...
    • Old and New
    • Things that happen
    • Reflecting...
    • Mari's Special Video
    • A Mother's Love
    • What does the word "savior" mean to you?
    • Monthly Blog Chain
    • A hole in your heart
    • The Unexpected Journey - Revised
    • Special Unforgettable Moments
    • On a temporary break
    • Was or Is?
    • Loss… Then Blessings Abound… #believer #blessings #beyondgrateful
  • ►Other Site Authors (2)
    • ►Clever Girl (1)
    • ►Mari’s Teacher Mrs. A. (1)
  • ►Poetry (32)
    • ►Athena’s (1)
    • ►Free Form (11)
    • ►Rhyming (7)
  • ►Songs (13)
    • ►Lyrics (6)
    • ►Music (5)
  • ►Stories (16)
    • ►Fictional (4)
    • ►Nonfiction (9)
  • ►The Journey (75)
  • ►Websites (3)
  • ►Writing (42)