Kristena Tunstall

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Kristena Tunstall > My Writing > In The Moment > Talking from the heart…

Posted on February 21, 2010 By Mommy's Angel in Heaven

Talking from the heart…

Today I sit here thinking about how life can turn out so differently than you could have expected.

Keith and I went to church this morning like we have started to do on a more regular basis since the Sunday before Thanksgiving. We decided to just try Sunday School since I haven’t been able to handle going to church service at that point. That very first Sunday going to our brand new class I broke down and told everyone about Mari. It’s the Sunday before Thanksgiving so you can imagine what the topic was about: What is everyone most thankful for? Well, needless to say, this isn’t an easy topic for me anymore.

Since that Sunday, Keith and I try to make it to the Sunday School class every week. There have been Sunday’s we’ve missed but for us we have been pretty consistent with going.

For the last few weeks I’ve wanted to try going to church service again but Keith was not quite ready to go yet. He just needed a little bit more time. I completely understand that so we continued to just go to Sunday School.

Today was different. We had a friend from our class approach us and ask for us to stay for service. I think she must think about us and thought it would be good for us to attend. She talked to Keith about it and so we decided to stay. Even before she had approached me I was going to talk to Keith about staying because the outline in the bulletin for today’s service looked like it would be a good one to listen to.

We went and chose our seats and waited for the service to start. When the service starts, as in every church I’ve been too, there is singing for either hymn or praise songs. This service was no different. They sing the song I have always loved to sing in the past and singing just means so much to me ever since I can remember being in my high school youth group. It used to bring me such joy and happiness. It meant so much and I would sing it truly from my heart that sometimes it could bring tears to my eyes.

But now the singing seems to just bring me sadness and sobbing. I can no longer sing any more like I used to as I almost always cry now. So I have made a choice to just be quite and listen instead. But today I couldn’t even do that. I had to leave the sanctuary and I went to the restroom. Keith had a nice woman find me in the bathroom as he was worried about me. She told me about this room where I could wait in instead. So I sat in there until the singing was done and went back into the sanctuary until the service was over.

Well, we are now a part of an impact group that meets every other Sunday night. It’s a great time of worship and togetherness. Keith and I really enjoy going to the group. Today was a little different though. There was a guy who talked and then he handed out a sheet of paper for the song everyone was to sing. I was only able to sit in that room for about a minute or so and then I had to head to the bathroom. I started to cry. I finally got it under control and decided to sit in there until the group was done singing.

I guess you can say I’m not quite ready to start singing again. Like everything else that has happened thus far, this too will take time. Time. That age old thing that we can never escape from because no matter what we do, time will continue to click on whether we want it to or not. But it’s that time that helps us to eventually get to where we need to be and are headed from here until eternity.

 

That Empty Spot

February 24, 2010 Mommy's Angel in Heaven 1
Have you ever wondered if something really existed or was it just in your mind?  Something that seemed to be so real but then one day you wake up and it’s like it never was?  That’s how I kind of feel sometimes. My new computer has Windows 7 and one…
 

The days, months, and years to come

February 18, 2010 Mommy's Angel in Heaven 3
I sit here wondering what life has in store for me in the days, months, and years to come.  Just two years ago at this same time, I knew Keith, my husband, and I had a life of taking care of a severely autistic child that within the next few…

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Comments

  1. Gayle Tomlin says

    February 22, 2010 at 7:46 pm

    Kris, I totally understand how you feel. 2 weeks ago as they were singing in church a sentence reminded me of Dustin and I ended up in the bathroom crying. Pretty teary the rest of the service too. I believe no matter how much time has passed that there will always be moments where this will happen and we will never know what will set off these times. Our children will always be a part of us as Mari and Dustin live on in our hearts. Take care sweetie and give me a call soon.

  2. maplework says

    June 15, 2010 at 11:55 am

    This is positively among the most interesting blogs I’ve seen. It is so easy to get jaded, but there is really still some excellent stuff online, and I believe your place is seriously on the short list!

    • Mommy's Angel In Heaven says

      June 15, 2010 at 12:15 pm

      You are so right. I have been reading a book about how I can better improve my site and there are over 12 million blogs out on the net today. When you say something like this, I take this as a true compliment so thank you.

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