I sit here in a complete and utter daze right now. To think that it has been 6 months seems so overwhelming in the scope of things.
I have gotten pretty bad about checking my mail. My husband went and got the mail from the mailbox today and brought in a huge stack. In that stack was a big manila envelope. It was from Mari’s teacher that she had from February 15, 2005 until December, 2007 right before Christmas break. Because I fought so hard for my precious baby girl I was able to get her into Julie Ahlbach’s class. We were living in DeKalb, IL at the time. Julie taught the Mentally Handicapped classroom. The grades were from Kindergarten through 5th grade. Mari was technically not supposed to be able to be in this class until the following year as she was still in the early childhood program. Julie accepted her right into her classroom and embraced her like no one else could have. And I cannot forget the aides that were in her classroom that year. Everyone in this classroom was and will always continue to be very special to Keith and I.
Mari grew so much in her room. She became more than I ever could have imagined at the beginning when she started there. I am forever thankful for that.
Back to the manila envelope I mentioned before. Of all the days I received this envelope, I received on the 6th month mark of Mari being gone. I opened up the envelope and to my surprise were pictures of Mari (and some with others from her classroom, or aides, or pictures of her in a group photo of her class with all the aides, and even a couple of pictures of her in her Halloween costume (which I do not have a single one of). I was so thankful to have received these, more than words can say, but at the same time made me incredibly sad. I just started to cry. And then later I just sobbed. And as I sit here typing this and trying not to cry.
Missing Mari is harder than any one person could ever imagine. I am so thankful to have had her in my life but just so utterly sad at the same time to have her gone now. I love you MarMar and hope to see you soon.