I’ve not shared with very many people the struggles I’ve been going through for several months now. While I won’t go into details, there have been a lot emotionally trying things happening in our home to where I’ve been really down and my self-loathing is in full swing. I can easily get to a place where I’m beating myself up, saying how stupid I am; I can never do anything right; I’m an idiot; and so as I’m sure you get the picture. In other words, not a good place internally.
My writing has suffered as a result as I rarely, if ever, feel the urge/desire to do so any more. For me, this is really sad as it used to be such an outlet for me to write out on the page how I’m feeling. Now it’s few and far between.
The only thing that seems to help me at all, which probably comes as no surprise to many, is having a daily quiet time with God. It’s during this time I’m able to work through so many different things than I’m able to without one. This morning was no different. I almost always get up at 4am every morning to have this time with God as it starts my day off in the best way possible. I’ve thought about sharing what I writing during this time, but wasn’t sure I should. Then it hit me today that maybe I should share what I’m struggling with as a way of letting you know where I’m at, but also to receive feedback, but more so that I’ll have your loving support through it. Whether or not you comment, in the end, doesn’t matter. It’s knowing that you’ve taken the time to read through my journey and know that you support me as I’m going through it. Thank you in advance for that as it does mean the world to me.
To start things off, here is what I wrote this morning:
Scripture: 1 Peter 1:3-9
Why is this necessary?
There is so much negative in this world that it surrounds our lives all over the place. Often times it’s in the form of sin. Things like mass shootings or political unrest are almost considered the norm. Then you have things like natural disasters occurring more and more as they ravage our planet. Chaos abounds our world not leaving a lot of room for the positive. The evil one is doing a far too good job at bringing us as much negative in our lives as he can to solely defy God because he’s on a stupid ego trip. It’s almost as if the negative fuels his evil desires.
This is why we need these verses. God is Light. Without Him, we live in darkness, which leads to the negative – Satan and eternity in hell. Light is what guides us. While Jesus’ death is a negative thing as it is representative of the death we’re all supposed to face. His resurrection is beyond positive. Jesus, in human form, came to this earth and lowered Himself to become like us. His humility to be a human being goes beyond description. His perfection and knowledge of all things allowed His humility to exude forth to take this form. It’s because of this we got to witness what perfection actually looked like. Jesus brings the positive into this world, which always counteracts the negative.
These verses have the following positive words:
verse 3: blessed, God, Father, Lord Jesus Christ, blessed, mercy, living hope, resurrection
verse 4: inheritance, imperishable, undefiled, reserved
verse 5: protected, power of God, faith, salvation, revealed
verse 6: rejoice
verse 7: faith, precious, praise, glory, honor, revelation, Jesus Christ
verse 8: love, believe, rejoice, joy, glory
verse 9: faith, salvation
Out of seven verses, where there are a few words that repeat, there are thirty-one words or phrases that are all positive and apart of God’s promises to us. They’re like a Guiding Light directly sent to us by God the Father Himself to us by His Son Jesus Christ through His Holy Spirit who resides literally inside every single believer.
How, as a believer, could we ever fall for Satan’s trick that we are EVER alone? We never are. NEVER! I fall for this stupid, ugly, nasty trick of the devil’s all the time. I constantly feel alone. Why do I so easily fall for this? No matter what is happening at any given moment I am NEVER alone. The Holy Spirit is literally with me at every moment, every second of my life. My hope and prayer is that I’ll begin to recognize this more and more moving forward. I need help to combat Satan’s evil deceptions. I know I can’t do this on my own. It’s impossible. I must rely on Him and not myself.