I’m sitting here at my keyboard trying to figure out how to start this very post, yet I can’t think of a “fancy” way to do it. So here it goes…
I’ve not shared with very many people the struggles I’ve been going through for several months now. While I won’t go into details, there have been a lot emotionally trying things happening in our home to where I’ve been really down and my self-loathing is in full swing. I can easily get to a place where I’m beating myself up, saying how stupid I am; I can never do anything right; I’m an idiot; and so as I’m sure you get the picture. In other words, not a good place internally.
My writing has suffered as a result as I rarely, if ever, feel the urge/desire to do so any more. For me, this is really sad as it used to be such an outlet for me to write out on the page how I’m feeling. Now it’s few and far between.
The only thing that seems to help me at all, which probably comes as no surprise to many, is having a daily quiet time with God. It’s during this time I’m able to work through so many different things than I’m able to without one. This morning was no different. I almost always get up at 4am every morning to have this time with God as it starts my day off in the best way possible. I’ve thought about sharing what I writing during this time, but wasn’t sure I should. Then it hit me today that maybe I should share what I’m struggling with as a way of letting you know where I’m at, but also to receive feedback, but more so that I’ll have your loving support through it. Whether or not you comment, in the end, doesn’t matter. It’s knowing that you’ve taken the time to read through my journey and know that you support me as I’m going through it. Thank you in advance for that as it does mean the world to me.
To start things off, here is what I wrote this morning:
Scripture: 1 Peter 1:3-9
Why is this necessary?
There is so much negative in this world that it surrounds our lives all over the place. Often times it’s in the form of sin. Things like mass shootings or political unrest are almost considered the norm. Then you have things like natural disasters occurring more and more as they ravage our planet. Chaos abounds our world not leaving a lot of room for the positive. The evil one is doing a far too good job at bringing us as much negative in our lives as he can to solely defy God because he’s on a stupid ego trip. It’s almost as if the negative fuels his evil desires.
This is why we need these verses. God is Light. Without Him, we live in darkness, which leads to the negative – Satan and eternity in hell. Light is what guides us. While Jesus’ death is a negative thing as it is representative of the death we’re all supposed to face. His resurrection is beyond positive. Jesus, in human form, came to this earth and lowered Himself to become like us. His humility to be a human being goes beyond description. His perfection and knowledge of all things allowed His humility to exude forth to take this form. It’s because of this we got to witness what perfection actually looked like. Jesus brings the positive into this world, which always counteracts the negative.
These verses have the following positive words:
verse 3: blessed, God, Father, Lord Jesus Christ, blessed, mercy, living hope, resurrection
verse 4: inheritance, imperishable, undefiled, reserved
verse 5: protected, power of God, faith, salvation, revealed
verse 6: rejoice
verse 7: faith, precious, praise, glory, honor, revelation, Jesus Christ
verse 8: love, believe, rejoice, joy, glory
verse 9: faith, salvation
Out of seven verses, where there are a few words that repeat, there are thirty-one words or phrases that are all positive and apart of God’s promises to us. They’re like a Guiding Light directly sent to us by God the Father Himself to us by His Son Jesus Christ through His Holy Spirit who resides literally inside every single believer.
How, as a believer, could we ever fall for Satan’s trick that we are EVER alone? We never are. NEVER! I fall for this stupid, ugly, nasty trick of the devil’s all the time. I constantly feel alone. Why do I so easily fall for this? No matter what is happening at any given moment I am NEVER alone. The Holy Spirit is literally with me at every moment, every second of my life. My hope and prayer is that I’ll begin to recognize this more and more moving forward. I need help to combat Satan’s evil deceptions. I know I can’t do this on my own. It’s impossible. I must rely on Him and not myself.
Mary L Hamilton says
So sorry to hear of your struggles, Kristena. I’ll be praying for you. Thanks for sharing this.
Kristena Tunstall says
Thank you, Mary. Your prayers are so welcome and mean everything to me. Kristena
Ah, Kristina, you have been on my mind a lot lately and now I think I know why. I have been and will continue to pray for you and your family! But thank you for these words. I needed to hear them too! What wonderful words to focus on and to let fill us. Sometimes it is like the sky is full of dark clouds day after day and it seems there is no sun left. But God is still behind the clouds! Hold onto these wonderful words and thank you for sharing them with us!
Kristena Tunstall says
Oh, Sylvia, my dear wonderful friend. You’ve been on my mind as well that so much so I’ve thought about us coming to visit DeKalb at some point so we can see you. You’re never too far from my mind and I value your friendship. You’ve always been so supportive and it’s meant the world to me. Thank you for everything. We need to get on the phone and catch up. Love ya lots, Kristena
Justina Prima says
I have read that God allows these times in order for us to stop and listen to Him. In this world of chaos and noise, how can we hear Him? He knows you will listen and give your time for Him. He truly loves you!
Kristena Tunstall says
Thank you, Justina, for your kind, heart-felt words. You are so right about God allowing these time because He helps to grow us to become stronger. If we’re stronger then we can stand firm on His Word and His promises for our lives. While it’s not always easy to remember this while in the midst of any given trial, the stronger we are in our relationship with the Lord, the easier it will be to know that God’s always there, guiding us along the chosen path He’s specifically picked out just for us. It always makes me feel so special to know that God thought I was special enough to have created an entire life plan for my life. Thank you so much for taking the time to read what I wrote. I means a lot to mean. Kristena
Kristina, you are a brave and courageous woman. Sharing your heart, both the faith and the struggles is a powerful thing. Its a living testimony of how good God is. He loves us even in our weakness.
I love 1 Peter ..it is so full of nuggets of wisdom and truth. The theme of this section is definitely hope. A living and active hope. Verse 8 says “… even though you do not see Him now, you believe in Him and ARE filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy,”. It doesn’t say you will have the joy. It says you have it. If you are in Christ you have that joy.
Nehemiah spoke to a broken people, weakened by their great insecurities and held back by their fears of weakness, and said “do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.” Neh 8:10
I will be praying for you. That you would sense His presence and recognize His fingerprints of inexpressible and strengthening joy already within you.
Kristena Tunstall says
Oh, Jodi, thank you so much. You brought tears to my eyes because your words are so heartfelt. So many people tell me how much the words I write affect them and how they can see my honesty in them. While I share my thoughts through what I write, it’s the comments that people like you leave for me that mean more to me than words can begin to describe.
Thank you for taking the time to read what I’ve wrote. I don’t look at myself as brave or courageous, but if I can help others in anyway by what I share, I know that I’m blessed as a result.
Most people want to find happiness, yet happiness is fleeting and God never promises us that we’ll be happy. In fact, He says that we will go through trials throughout our lives, some much harder than others. By taking the time to grow stronger in the Lord through the Holy Spirit working in us, we are to find the blessings through the hard times, which, in turn, helps us to find the joy that can always be there if we take the time to look for it. No, it’s not easy to do, but nothing in life that’s ever worth it ever truly is. I’m so thankful I’m a believer and that God’s allowed me to be one of His adopted daughters.
Thank you for your prayers and there can never be too many. Kristena