It’s interesting to me to have a child, my niece, ask me a question about a conversation she over heard me having with her mom on the phone talking about how I died the day Mariana died and a new Kristena was born. Athena asked me this morning, “Auntie Kris, last night when you were talking to my mommy you talked about an “Old Kristena” and a “New Kristena,” what was the “old Kristena” like?”
I wasn’t quite sure how to answer this. How do you explain to an 8 year old what you used to be like? I told her I didn’t know how to do this. I just know I am different now than I used to be. In ways, there are things that have turned out better, if that makes sense. Well, maybe “better” is quite the right word. But somehow I see things in a better light. I appreciate things more. I don’t take things for granted like I used to.
At the same time I am also sadder while being happy at the same time. The part that makes me sad is I will always be sad that Mari is gone. I will always miss her and wish she were still here with us. Life will never be the same as it was when she was here. I was a stay at home mom. She was my full time job. She had severe autism. Now my life is where I have a full time job. I am a mom again to my niece and nephew with possibly taking my younger niece and nephew who are 1 and 2 years old.
My life is nothing like it was from 3 ½ years ago but then this is how God intended it. I know I continue to grow on a daily basis. I learn to write better. I learn to see the world differently all the time. It is good to grow and share my life with the man I love. I feel fortunate that we have been officially married as of February 18, just two days ago.
What do you think? I'd love to hear your thoughts on what's been said. Thank you.