It’s interesting to me to have a child, my niece, ask me a question about a conversation she over heard me having with her mom on the phone talking about how I died the day Mariana died and a new Kristena was born. Athena asked me this morning, “Auntie Kris, last night when you were talking to my mommy you talked about an “Old Kristena” and a “New Kristena,” what was the “old Kristena” like?”
I wasn’t quite sure how to answer this. How do you explain to an 8 year old what you used to be like? I told her I didn’t know how to do this. I just know I am different now than I used to be. In ways, there are things that have turned out better, if that makes sense. Well, maybe “better” is quite the right word. But somehow I see things in a better light. I appreciate things more. I don’t take things for granted like I used to.
At the same time I am also sadder while being happy at the same time. The part that makes me sad is I will always be sad that Mari is gone. I will always miss her and wish she were still here with us. Life will never be the same as it was when she was here. I was a stay at home mom. She was my full time job. She had severe autism. Now my life is where I have a full time job. I am a mom again to my niece and nephew with possibly taking my younger niece and nephew who are 1 and 2 years old.
My life is nothing like it was from 3 ½ years ago but then this is how God intended it. I know I continue to grow on a daily basis. I learn to write better. I learn to see the world differently all the time. It is good to grow and share my life with the man I love. I feel fortunate that we have been officially married as of February 18, just two days ago.