Kristena Tunstall

  • Home
  • Bible Study Quiet Time
    • Jen Hatmaker
      • A Modern Girl’s Guide to Bible Study
  • Speaking/Webinars
  • Our Daughter’s Hospital Story
  • Blog
Kristena Tunstall > My Writing > In The Moment > Loneliness

Posted on April 9, 2009 By Mommy's Angel in Heaven

Loneliness

Today is a day of utter loneliness. I can’t explain it. All I want to do is just sit here and cry. I’m at home all alone. I really don’t feel like talking to anyone, yet I wish someone was here. Keith is at work. Those that I do call are either not answering their phones or they’re out and about running errands. I know it’s not anyone’s job to keep me company or help me to feel better. I just wish I didn’t feel so lonely. The loneliness goes clear to the very bottom of my heart, the depths of my soul. I can’t concentrate on anything else. I just sit here crying. I know ultimately it has to be because I miss Mari so very much but at the same time there isn’t a specific thing that’s making me feel lonely. I just am.

Those around you try to comfort you but they really don’t know what to say or do. Either they tell you they don’t know what to say or they just simply ignore you as they are afraid I might be a porcelain doll or something that might break.

I sit here during the day trying to distract myself by playing around on Facebook most of the time. I don’t do my homework like I’m supposed to (although I am getting all A’s in my classes at this point). I’m supposed to graduate in May with my ceremony on May 16th. I started going to school again after Mari died so I could finally feel like I accomplished something and since I have been going on and off to school since 1995. I will finally be graduating with my associates in business.

I decided many years ago that I wanted my accounting degree. My husband thought I was nuts (as do most people) as he thinks accounting is boring, tedious, and simply doesn’t understand it. Whereas I LOVE accounting. I understand it and it comes so naturally for me. I love to do budgets and balancing things. But school has been the hardest it’s ever been for me in the last seven months. I just don’t have the concentration I need to keep my focus going.

I’m supposed to finish my final from LAST semester for Statistics because I fell apart in the middle of taking it at the end of last semester. I couldn’t finish it. The professor gave me an incomplete and I’m supposed to take it this semester at some point. I just can’t seem to concentrate enough to even study for it.

I keep wondering what is wrong with me. Why can’t I do something as simple as studying for my classes? You’d think that it’d keep me distracted from the obvious loss but it doesn’t.

I only have a month left of school and then I’ll be taking a break from most classes. I’m going to take another creative writing class but this time it’s about poetry. I’m looking forward to that and it’ll give me something to do.

Mari, please know how very much mommy misses you. I wish you were here and someday (only God knows when) we will be reunited again. I love you, baby girl.

 

Comments and Feedback

April 26, 2009 Mommy's Angel in Heaven 0
A friend of mine told me she comes to this website everyday to see what I have posted and is disappointed when there isn't anything. I am going to try something new. I want to try to post at least one thing a day just to let you all know…
 

Marie’s Unrealized Dream

April 8, 2009 Mommy's Angel in Heaven 0
I wanted to share this story with everyone. I wrote it for my creating writing class this semester. I hope you all enjoy it. It's a beautiful mid-spring afternoon. The temperature outside is approximately seventy-five degrees. It's a perfect day to accomplish what had been eluding Marie since she started. Could…

signature
Post Views: 1,575

Related

Comments

  1. Anonymous says

    April 16, 2009 at 9:42 am

    maybe you cant concentrate as the time isn’t right,also you might benefit from bereavement counselling,I’m not going to say the old cliche of time heals as I don’t think it does it just makes it a little bit easier,and then memories take over which help,Ive lost my dad and with being my age 46 it was expected one day but it still hurts.Don’t try to take too much on too soon go through ur personal journey of mourning-which is as individual as the person much love dianne manchester ukxxxxx

  2. DjMasta says

    March 12, 2010 at 7:41 pm

    I really like when people are expressing their opinion and thought. So I like the way you are writing

Site Archives

  • ►2020 (6)
    • ►June (3)
    • ►May (1)
    • ►January (2)
  • ►2019 (1)
    • ►March (1)
  • ►2018 (4)
    • ►November (2)
    • ►July (2)
  • ►2017 (15)
    • ►November (1)
    • ►May (10)
    • ►March (4)
  • ►2016 (11)
    • ►December (1)
    • ►October (1)
    • ►February (9)
  • ►2015 (22)
    • ►December (1)
    • ►November (5)
    • ►October (3)
    • ►April (1)
    • ►March (4)
    • ►February (3)
    • ►January (5)
  • ►2014 (221)
    • ►December (6)
    • ►November (6)
    • ►October (4)
    • ►September (3)
    • ►August (1)
    • ►July (3)
    • ►June (28)
    • ►May (15)
    • ►April (56)
    • ►March (34)
    • ►February (30)
    • ►January (35)
  • ►2013 (346)
    • ►December (34)
    • ►November (28)
    • ►October (50)
    • ►September (53)
    • ►August (22)
    • ►June (11)
    • ►May (31)
    • ►April (56)
    • ►March (31)
    • ►February (28)
    • ►January (2)
  • ►2012 (82)
    • ►December (6)
    • ►November (1)
    • ►October (1)
    • ►September (4)
    • ►August (11)
    • ►July (15)
    • ►June (9)
    • ►May (10)
    • ►April (3)
    • ►March (11)
    • ►February (9)
    • ►January (2)
  • ►2011 (46)
    • ►November (1)
    • ►June (3)
    • ►May (9)
    • ►April (1)
    • ►March (6)
    • ►February (7)
    • ►January (19)
  • ►2010 (43)
    • ►December (1)
    • ►November (1)
    • ►October (2)
    • ►September (1)
    • ►July (3)
    • ►June (12)
    • ►May (10)
    • ►April (2)
    • ►March (3)
    • ►February (5)
    • ►January (3)
  • ►2009 (49)
    • ►December (5)
    • ►November (2)
    • ►October (1)
    • ►September (4)
    • ►July (2)
    • ►June (1)
    • ►May (4)
    • ►April (7)
    • ►March (4)
    • ►February (9)
    • ►January (10)
  • ►2008 (34)
    • ►December (11)
    • ►November (15)
    • ►October (8)
  • Facebook
  • Google+
  • Twitter
My Tweets
Follow @MommysAngelHeav
  • Archives
  • Categories
  • Tags
Archives
  • ►2020 (6)
    • ►June (3)
    • ►May (1)
    • ►January (2)
  • ►2019 (1)
    • ►March (1)
  • ►2018 (4)
    • ►November (2)
    • ►July (2)
  • ►2017 (15)
    • ►November (1)
    • ►May (10)
    • ►March (4)
  • ►2016 (11)
    • ►December (1)
    • ►October (1)
    • ►February (9)
  • ►2015 (22)
    • ►December (1)
    • ►November (5)
    • ►October (3)
    • ►April (1)
    • ►March (4)
    • ►February (3)
    • ►January (5)
  • ►2014 (221)
    • ►December (6)
    • ►November (6)
    • ►October (4)
    • ►September (3)
    • ►August (1)
    • ►July (3)
    • ►June (28)
    • ►May (15)
    • ►April (56)
    • ►March (34)
    • ►February (30)
    • ►January (35)
  • ►2013 (346)
    • ►December (34)
    • ►November (28)
    • ►October (50)
    • ►September (53)
    • ►August (22)
    • ►June (11)
    • ►May (31)
    • ►April (56)
    • ►March (31)
    • ►February (28)
    • ►January (2)
  • ►2012 (82)
    • ►December (6)
    • ►November (1)
    • ►October (1)
    • ►September (4)
    • ►August (11)
    • ►July (15)
    • ►June (9)
    • ►May (10)
    • ►April (3)
    • ►March (11)
    • ►February (9)
    • ►January (2)
  • ►2011 (46)
    • ►November (1)
    • ►June (3)
    • ►May (9)
    • ►April (1)
    • ►March (6)
    • ►February (7)
    • ►January (19)
  • ►2010 (43)
    • ►December (1)
    • ►November (1)
    • ►October (2)
    • ►September (1)
    • ►July (3)
    • ►June (12)
    • ►May (10)
    • ►April (2)
    • ►March (3)
    • ►February (5)
    • ►January (3)
  • ►2009 (49)
    • ►December (5)
    • ►November (2)
    • ►October (1)
    • ►September (4)
    • ►July (2)
    • ►June (1)
    • ►May (4)
    • ►April (7)
    • ►March (4)
    • ►February (9)
    • ►January (10)
  • ►2008 (34)
    • ►December (11)
    • ►November (15)
    • ►October (8)
Categories
  • ►About Books… (22)
    • ►Book – The Unknown Door (3)
    • ►Book Reviews (5)
    • ►Featured Books (14)
  • ►Announcements (2)
  • ►Featured Posts (8)
  • ►Holidays (39)
    • ►4th of July (5)
    • ►Birthdays (6)
    • ►Christmas (6)
    • ►Easter (1)
    • ►Father’s Day (1)
    • ►Memorial Day (1)
    • ►Mother’s Day (4)
    • ►New Year’s (2)
    • ►Tax Time (1)
    • ►Thanksgiving (4)
    • ►Valentine’s Day (1)
    • ►Wedding Anniversary (6)
  • ►Interviews (2)
  • ►Miscellaneous (1)
  • ►Miscellaneous (6)
    • ►VotD (1)
  • ▼Mommys Angel in Heaven (246)
    • ►Featured Posts mommys (2)
    • ►Multimedia moms mommys (1)
      • ►Videos mommys (1)
    • ►My Writing mommys (10)
      • ►In Response mommys (1)
      • ►In The Moment mommys (4)
      • ►Monthly Blog Chain mommys (1)
      • ►Reflection mommys (2)
      • ►Stories mommys (1)
        • ►Nonfiction mommys (1)
    • We Miss Her So Much...
    • Tomorrow...
    • Time...
    • What does the word Mariana mean?
    • I Will Always Remember Mari…
    • Mommy's Dream
    • Memories...
    • Mari's World - Can You Just Imagine
    • Friendship at its best
    • Keith's Retirement
    • Loneliness, how it must feel
    • My Thoughts
    • Mari's Spirit
    • Communication, How Hard Is It Really?
    • 4 Months...
    • True Friendship
    • Army Drill Team
    • The holidays...
    • Stop and Think
    • Today...
    • What if I could have what I wanted
    • Letter from Heaven
    • A tribute from a very special teacher
    • A Dedication to Mariana
    • A Dedication to My Other Half
    • Praise You In This Storm
    • A Poem to Mari
    • Mari's Song
    • On our way to Hawaii
    • Time and How Precious It Really Is
    • A tribute to Mariana
    • Back from Hawaii
    • Mari's 9th birthday was today
    • T'was the Night Before Our Lives Changed
    • Our Angel In Heaven
    • Went to see Movie, It's wasn't supposed to be sad
    • Thank you for reading and listening...
    • What do you say to someone who has lost a child?
    • 6 months have come and gone
    • Sitting Here Dazed and Confused
    • Suddenly and Out of the Blue, It Hits You
    • Remembering Mari, how sweet it really is!!
    • Thoughts...
    • Preacakes
    • Posting Comments and To Those Who Care
    • Two Weeks and Two Days
    • The Value of a Mom’s Tears (or Dad's)
    • Can Two People Really Grieve That Differently?
    • 8 Months Have Come and Gone
    • Wonder and Confusion For What Life Brings Us
    • Mari's Crayons
    • Music of the Heart
    • To The Love Of My Life - married 15 years February 18
    • T'was the Night Before Our Lives Changed
    • Life In General...
    • Today is 8 months
    • Today has been a day
    • Marie’s Unrealized Dream
    • Loneliness
    • Comments and Feedback
    • Missing her...
    • Sitting in class...
    • How am I supposed to live my life without her?
    • "Held"...
    • Pictures...
    • Shopping...
    • It's coming...
    • Mother's Day is Here
    • Approaching 11 months…
    • A Mother’s Love Never Fades
    • When We Think of 4th of July
    • Time Keeps on Treking
    • Thinking about Mari
    • Justing Sitting Here...
    • Mariana: A Personality Exuded
    • The Unexpected Journey
    • T'was the Night Before Our Lives Changed
    • Thanksgiving
    • Bad Days They Come and Go
    • The One
    • Contemplating Christmas
    • HER FINAL DAY
    • Did you know that Angels are among us?
    • Mari's Hospital Story
    • Touching Souls Bereavement Photography
    • That Hideous Doctrine by John Thomas
    • 16 Years of Wedded Bliss, Could Anyone Ask For Anything More
    • To Feel Lucky...
    • The days, months, and years to come
    • Talking from the heart...
    • That Empty Spot
    • It's that time of year...
    • The dreaded deed has been done
    • Paperwork Junkies
    • Changes
    • I Died
    • Moving Time...
    • Mari's Dress
    • Just sitting here thinking
    • Love The One Your With
    • Iris and Kristena
    • It's time to get in shape
    • Strength…
    • To Lose Weight or Not To Lose Weight: That is the Question
    • Then it hits ya
    • Memorial Day
    • It Happens At the Strangest Time
    • Do you have any kids?
    • How quickly time flies before we realize...
    • New Page Added: Blogroll
    • Updated: Polls page
    • New Pages Added: Her Hospital Story
    • When life throws you a curve ball (man, all I wanted was a fast one :) )
    • Julie and Sylvia
    • New features added you will enjoy
    • Revamped our Guestbook
    • The Start of a New Day
    • July Sucks!
    • Tangible Things
    • Sitting here thinking...
    • Facebook...
    • An update...
    • Jackie Evancho
    • Driving...
    • several entries coming...
    • The struggles of life...
    • Unchoices
    • Marriage
    • Work at Walmart
    • Unfinished...
    • Harder to write these days...
    • "Out of these ashes beauty will rise"
    • Missing her...
    • Playing Games
    • Missing the imporant moments
    • The magic of love
    • Justin Bieber
    • Singing...
    • Find a new church home
    • Writing through tragedy
    • Seeing Mari again
    • Rules aren't meant to be followed right?!?!
    • Grateful for the little things in life
    • Winter
    • Keith's 40th
    • Super Bowl Sunday
    • Going on Business
    • Not again...
    • He's back...
    • I'm still amazed...
    • Mari's Book is Done
    • The Waiting Game
    • Women's Retreat first entry
    • Women's Retreat second entry
    • Women's Retreat third entry
    • Moments
    • Mari's book
    • Missing Her...
    • I am needing help...
    • The Tears of Mother's Day
    • A Special Sneak Peak
    • Updated chapters 1 & 2
    • New Possible Book Cover
    • Please let me know which book cover you like best
    • Updated the first couple of chapters
    • Moving forward with the book
    • Just sitting here thinking...
    • Life's Moments...
    • Changes in life...
    • Life's moments and other things...
    • Having Kids
    • Old and New
    • Things that happen
    • Exciting Times
    • Reflecting...
    • A Mother's Love
    • What does the word "savior" mean to you?
    • Monthly Blog Chain
    • Today kind of sucked for me
    • The innocence of a child
    • A hole in your heart
    • Becoming a Writer
    • Remember back...
    • Giving your life over
    • This Year's Ladies Retreat in Gatlinburg
    • What do we have to be thankful for?
    • It's kind of amazing...
    • Savoring every moment
    • You just never know...
    • The Unexpected Journey - Revised
    • Joy
    • Happiness
    • Writing Fiction
    • Having Pain...
    • What does it mean to nurture?
    • Needing prayer please
    • Hitting "The Mark"
    • Being Thankful
    • It's been 4 years...
    • A slight change to my fundraising
    • Memory, the good, the bad, and the bittersweet
    • Unexpected turns in the road...
    • Reflecting on Mari's posts...
    • Sitting here thinking
    • All in a picture
    • A Sad Day
    • "Oh that won't happen to me"
    • Special Unforgettable Moments
    • Something New (and hopefully exciting): A 365 Day Journey
    • Day 1: Switchbacks up the Mountain
    • Timing...
    • Day 2: Sacred Space
    • Day 3: The Holy Calling
    • Day 4: Choosing Story Over Relatives
    • Day 5: Getting Caught
    • Day 6: Daring to Tell
    • Day 7: Jumping Off
    • Day 8: The Voice that Chirps and Chirps
    • Day 9: Getting Permission
    • Day 10: Working Out
    • Day 11: Racing Hearts and Churning Stomachs
    • Day 12: Patience
    • Day 13: The Matanuska Valley and Other Diversions
    • Day 14: Waiting for Pizza
    • Day 15: People in a Jam
    • Day 16: Exploding Typewriters, Smoking Computers
    • Day 17: Love Thy Reader
    • 19 Years Today
    • Day 18: Your Validation Posse
    • Day 19: The Five Characteristics of Good Writing
    • Day 20: Naked in the Hallway
    • KLove on the brain...
    • Our Father's Love
  • ►Multimedia (20)
    • ►Photos (4)
    • ►Slideshow (2)
    • ►Videos (12)
      • ►YouTube (7)
  • ►My Journeys (306)
    • ►365 Day Writing Journey (152)
    • ►A to Z Challenge (68)
    • ►A to Z Challenge mommys (30)
    • ►NaBloPoMo (56)
  • ▼My Writing (551)
    • ►365 Days (185)
    • ►Bible Study Quiet Time (93)
      • ►Jen Hatmaker (42)
        • ►A Modern Girl’s Guide to Bible Study (21)
      • ►Priscilla Shirer (2)
        • ►The Armor of God (1)
    • ►In Response (37)
    • ▼In The Moment (149)
      • We Miss Her So Much...
      • Tomorrow...
      • Loneliness, how it must feel
      • Mari's Spirit
      • Communication, How Hard Is It Really?
      • 4 Months...
      • True Friendship
      • The holidays...
      • Stop and Think
      • What if I could have what I wanted
      • A Dedication to My Other Half
      • On our way to Hawaii
      • Time and How Precious It Really Is
      • Back from Hawaii
      • Went to see Movie, It's wasn't supposed to be sad
      • Thank you for reading and listening...
      • What do you say to someone who has lost a child?
      • 6 months have come and gone
      • Sitting Here Dazed and Confused
      • Suddenly and Out of the Blue, It Hits You
      • Remembering Mari, how sweet it really is!!
      • Posting Comments and To Those Who Care
      • Can Two People Really Grieve That Differently?
      • 8 Months Have Come and Gone
      • Mari's Crayons
      • Music of the Heart
      • Today is 8 months
      • Today has been a day
      • Loneliness
      • Comments and Feedback
      • Missing her...
      • Sitting in class...
      • How am I supposed to live my life without her?
      • Pictures...
      • Shopping...
      • It's coming...
      • Mother's Day is Here
      • Approaching 11 months…
      • When We Think of 4th of July
      • Time Keeps on Treking
      • Thinking about Mari
      • Thanksgiving
      • Bad Days They Come and Go
      • Contemplating Christmas
      • 16 Years of Wedded Bliss, Could Anyone Ask For Anything More
      • To Feel Lucky...
      • The days, months, and years to come
      • Talking from the heart...
      • That Empty Spot
      • It's that time of year...
      • The dreaded deed has been done
      • Paperwork Junkies
      • Moving Time...
      • Mari's Dress
      • Just sitting here thinking
      • Love The One Your With
      • Iris and Kristena
      • It's time to get in shape
      • Strength…
      • To Lose Weight or Not To Lose Weight: That is the Question
      • Then it hits ya
      • Do you have any kids?
      • New Pages Added: Her Hospital Story
      • When life throws you a curve ball (man, all I wanted was a fast one :) )
      • Julie and Sylvia
      • The Start of a New Day
      • July Sucks!
      • Tangible Things
      • Sitting here thinking...
      • Facebook...
      • A Day in the Life of a Grieving Mommy
      • An update...
      • Jackie Evancho
      • The struggles of life...
      • Unchoices
      • Marriage
      • Work at Walmart
      • Unfinished...
      • Harder to write these days...
      • Missing her...
      • Justin Bieber
      • Singing...
      • Find a new church home
      • Rules aren't meant to be followed right?!?!
      • Grateful for the little things in life
      • Super Bowl Sunday
      • I'm still amazed...
      • Mari's Book is Done
      • The Waiting Game
      • Women's Retreat first entry
      • Women's Retreat second entry
      • Moments
      • Mari's book
      • Missing Her...
      • The Tears of Mother's Day
      • A Special Sneak Peak
      • Having Kids
      • Things that happen
      • Exciting Times
      • Today kind of sucked for me
      • The innocence of a child
      • Remember back...
      • Giving your life over
      • This Year's Ladies Retreat in Gatlinburg
      • It's kind of amazing...
      • Writing Fiction
      • Needing prayer please
      • Starting to work on Mari's book again
      • Writing Mari's story
      • A book worth mentioning
      • Unexpected turns in the road...
      • Sitting here thinking
      • All in a picture
      • A Sad Day
      • "Oh that won't happen to me"
      • 19 Years Today
      • Taxes, Oh What Fun
      • Memorial Day
      • Birthdays
      • Laura Story
      • Missing my writing
      • I Can Only Imagine...
      • KLove on the brain...
      • My 365 Day Journey
      • Happiness and Finding It within Yourself
      • Moments Where Prayer Is Needed
      • Not For A Moment (Meredith Andrews)
      • Billy Graham and My Life
      • Been a little absent
      • Our website has an addition to the header
      • Seeing the Gift
      • Going through Mari’s stuff
      • Happy Birthday Mariana. You're 15 Today (or you would've been :( ) #acfw #lossofchild
      • Knowing when a joke isn't funny
      • Life's Too Short
      • It's Time to Stand Strong
      • Motivation... Or the Lack There of
      • Have You Ever Felt Lonely?
      • 5 Things to Find Happiness In
      • How Do I Get My Priorities Straight?
      • Is There Such a Thing as a Perfect Job?
      • Do You Have Shiny-Object Syndrome?
      • Sharing My Struggle
      • Living Hope
      • Out of Control
      • Happy New Year #2020
      • #2020 - Looking Back
      • Thoughts, Reflections, and More (#bestill)
      • Loss… Then Blessings Abound… #believer #blessings #beyondgrateful
    • ►Monthly Blog Chain (3)
    • ►My Journeys (2)
    • ►Reflection (68)
    • ►S.H.E. Time (2)
    • ►Time (6)
    • Tomorrow...
    • Time...
    • What does the word Mariana mean?
    • Mari's Hospital Story
    • several entries coming...
    • Women's Retreat third entry
    • I am needing help...
    • Updated chapters 1 & 2
    • New Possible Book Cover
    • Please let me know which book cover you like best
    • Updated the first couple of chapters
    • Moving forward with the book
    • Just sitting here thinking...
    • Life's Moments...
    • Life's moments and other things...
    • Old and New
    • Things that happen
    • Reflecting...
    • Mari's Special Video
    • A Mother's Love
    • What does the word "savior" mean to you?
    • Monthly Blog Chain
    • A hole in your heart
    • The Unexpected Journey - Revised
    • Special Unforgettable Moments
    • On a temporary break
    • Was or Is?
    • Loss… Then Blessings Abound… #believer #blessings #beyondgrateful
  • ►Other Site Authors (2)
    • ►Clever Girl (1)
    • ►Mari’s Teacher Mrs. A. (1)
  • ►Poetry (32)
    • ►Athena’s (1)
    • ►Free Form (11)
    • ►Rhyming (7)
  • ►Songs (13)
    • ►Lyrics (6)
    • ►Music (5)
  • ►Stories (16)
    • ►Fictional (4)
    • ►Nonfiction (9)
  • ►The Journey (75)
  • ►Websites (3)
  • ►Writing (42)