I sit here this morning doing homeschool with my niece/daughter. I have KLove on in the background. I just started doing this yesterday. It’s nice to have uplifting, encouraging music in the background during the day.
As I sat here moving my paper planner for the school year into a program on my computer, a song came on the radio that I have heard played many times before. I know the words and almost always sing to the song as it flows out through my speakers.
The funny thing is the words really struck me for what Laura Story is singing about in this song called ‘Blessings.’ The verses are good but the chorus and the last verse are what really struck me.
‘Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if the thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
What if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise
Think on those words for a moment. As I write this they are still bringing tears to my eyes.
After Mari’s death it took me a long time to be able to see any blessings that came out of the tragedy of losing her. That first year alone was the hardest of my life. I didn’t know how I was going to get through. I prayed nightly for God to please take me home as the pain was so great. I ached for my missing daughter. Her laugh. Her smile. Her ability to light up a room. Yet, God said to me, “It’s not your time. I still have much more for you to do.”
I didn’t understand how He could have taken my one and only child from us. We have infertility issues so the chances of us ever conceiving again were slim to none unless God decided to provide another miracle like He had with Mari.
What I have come to realize is that it’s okay if I don’t understand why He does something. All I need to know that when He does it is apart of His bigger plan, a plan much bigger than I could ever possibly understand.
I can now look back and find so many blessings that have come from losing my precious baby girl. God has blessed me with the gift of writing. I’m humbled when someone tells me that the words I write actually touch them. Every comment I receive on this site means so much to me and reaffirms that I’m doing what God has blessed me with.
Sometimes I don’t write on here for a while. For me it’s important that I stay true to myself and not just write something to write it. My hope is in this way I will stay true to my daughter and her memory. I know that through my writing her memory continues to live on as other people get to know her through my words. I mean, how awesome is that.
If you would like to see all the words to the song above, please click here.