I’m sometimes amazed at the power of God. He put writing into my life and has blessed me as a result. Something that started out as a way to deal with my grief and share those feelings with my friends and family so they knew where I was at has turned into so much more.
I look at Mari’s death in a whole new light. It’ll be four years on July 16 (Really, four years already!). Through my grief journey I’ve been able to find something that brings me pure happiness. I’ve been able to meet new and encouraging people along my journey. I’ve been encouraged along this road and I’m a better person as a result.
It’s funny how our brains truly can’t comprehend the bigger picture but we know God does. He knows why He does what He does. Mari’s death was devastating to so many of us. It completely blindsided us. The road became unbearable at times.
Yet, there was a small minuscule light at the end of the tunnel. I couldn’t see it with my bare eye. I would need a microscope to see it but it was there. That light was and still is Jesus. He was guiding me, bring me through, the death of my daughter. As time passed the light slowly but surely got bigger.
At first, I could see the light growing only because the grief was so deep, so acute. It felt like my heart had been torn open. I know it may not make sense but my heart physically hurt at times. I would put my hand over my heart and just hold it there because it actually hurt. I hurt for my daughter so much.
That first year the light could finally be seen at the end of the tunnel. However, it was a small pin drop. I had to squint to see it.
Now the light fully encompasses my body. I’m at a place where I can finally see the good things that have come out of Mari going to heaven.
Yes, I miss her terribly and would give anything to have her back. Yet, if she were still here I wouldn’t be able to touch the lives that I do. So her death became a blessing in my life like I could have never expected.