When someone said that losing a child is the hardest thing anyone would have to deal with, that couldn’t be more of an understatement. Mari died four and a half years ago and sometimes it still feels like yesterday. The pain can be so raw that I sob. The tears pour from my eyes.
Even though four and a half years may seem like a while, it really isn’t. I know that the more time goes by it won’t be as acute. Just knowing where I was that first year to where I am now is huge. I cried almost on a daily basis if not several times a day. Now it happens at random times.
The month of July has been so far the hardest. I am realizing that I just need to take that time off from writing or anything important because I end up missing Mari so much. Since I’m becoming more aware of it, I can then know how to prepare for it.
But through all of this I’ve also been healing. The fact I can go so far apart now without crying is good, or even when I talk about what happened I don’t always cry. I can sometimes tell the story without a single tear and that is huge progress. Don’t get me wrong. I still cry when telling what happened. It’s just not every time.