“You have to have done that hard psychological work before you sit down to write.” —MARY KARR
This is one of those ‘awe-ha’ moments. Ever since I can remember I never understood why God would allow, in His loving giving Self, the terrible abuses and neglect that happened to me throughout my childhood.
As I entered high school, my freshman year we attended a church a couple of times. It wasn’t till the following summer I was able to get a ride to it each week and on Wednesday nights. It was during this time that I thought maybe God wanted me to work with teens who’ve been through hard things and I’d understand. But God never opened a door for me to do that.
So as I continued to get older I really didn’t know what God’s plan was for my life. More things piled right on top of the childhood stuff. Sometimes I’d ask God how much more did He think I could possibly handle? He answered that when Mari went to heaven to see Him.
Was I angry at God for this? Absolutely. I’m still human. We all get angry at our earthly parents. He is our heavenly Parent. God understands. He’s still there for us through every joy and every heartache or tragedy. He’s the one to give us the strength we need to live each day.
So when God took me down the road of writing, He didn’t even let me take a detour to fight the road He wanted me on. As a result, I feel blessed He has granted me this gift. And after all these years of abuse, neglect, difficulties and challenges, and ultimately death, He needed me to have all the “hard psychological work” done in my life so that one day as I sit here and write this I’ll have the understanding of more than most people have happen in a lifetime. Really, think about that for a second. God didn’t do all these things to me. However, He allowed each and every one of them to happen so that His ultimate plan can be partly filled by what I do in my life to glorify Him.