I think in life there are so many things that can make our hearts begin to race rapidly and our stomachs to do flip-flops all over the place. A new job. The first day of a new school year. Going on a first date. Or even standing up in front of a room of people getting ready to talk. And the list goes on.
Nervous energy can either root us to the ground stopping any forward momentum or it can propel us forward giving us the courage we need.
Sharing our writing with others is much in the same way. About three months after Mari died, I had all these thoughts floating around in my head. At first, I didn’t do anything with them. Then I realized I needed to get them written down. As I wrote down my inner most thoughts and feelings I felt a freedom I didn’t know I had.
Once I had them all written, I had to share them with those closest to me. I can’t explain the deep-seated need to do this but the importance behind my thoughts now down on paper which propelled me forward as I picked up the phone to call my husband. My heart did race and my stomach churned as I read the words now sitting in front of me on a computer screen. When I was done it felt good to have done this. I’ll be honest, I don’t remember my husband’s reaction to what I wrote or when I called my mother-in-law. Both were supportive but nothing else sticks out. So then I decided to call a close family friend to see what this person had to say.
The result wasn’t the same as the first two. This person tried to tell me how to grieve for my daughter. This person would probably grieve in the way this person was suggesting, but this is where people have to realize that telling someone how they are grieving is wrong is the complete and utter wrong way to do it, especially when it comes to a grieving parent. All I needed in that moment was for someone to listen. That’s it. Noting more. Nothing less. I got off the phone and new thoughts began to swirl. I continued to write until I was done.
Those thoughts, all of them, became the first posting for my daughter’s dedication website back on October 21, 2008. My nervous energy propelled me forward. However, I could’ve let it stop me for fear of what others might say. But instead, writing down my thoughts and feelings has been my best friend. And the fact that others have been touched by them means I’m doing the right thing.
The quote bellow came from the book I’m using and I wanted to share it with you:
“Finding the courage to write does not involve erasing or “conquering” one’s fears. Working writers aren’t those who have eliminated their anxiety. They are the ones who keep scribbling while their heart races and their stomach churn” —RALPH KEYES