2020. Wow! Hard to believe we’re already twenty years into the new millennium. When I think back over the past twenty years, I’m amazed not at just what our country has gone through, but what I’ve personally gone through. Here in just under a month, Keith and I will celebrate our 26th wedding anniversary. Here’s a list of strikes against us to not succeed, or at least made things harder: The abuse in my childhood – all forms In and of itself, the abuse has been a primary culprit of … [Read more...]
Happy New Year #2020
Wow! 2020 is here. 2019 seemed to just fly by. I just looked back at the last post I did, and it was clear back on March 21, 2019. My desire to write has been non-existent. While I think about it quite often, I just never do it. I'm not sure why. After Mari died, I wrote all the time. It felt like I constantly had things I needed to jot down and write out to express how I was feeling. Now, Mari's been gone over 11 years. As a matter of fact, she would've turned 20 on December 29, just three … [Read more...]
Out of Control
Have you ever felt like your life is out of control? You have a direction you'd like to go, but your path is anything but straight. If you'd look back, it's as if you're drunk with the way it looks like you've weaved back and forth along the way. For the last few years, that's how my life has been. There are things happening in our home that began in the summer of 2015. While I can't go into details, the seriousness that's evolved as a result has added an enormous strain on our … [Read more...]
Living Hope
A couple of days ago I shared how I've been internally struggling with a lot of self-loathing and simply not feeling good enough. While the struggle is still ongoing, it's my daily quiet time that helps more than anything else, or for that matter, anyone else, to stay as grounded as possible. Some days I fully outright fail. These are days filled with many tears and the inability to see myself in a positive way. Yet, I guess the positive I need to remember to take away is in those moments where … [Read more...]
Sharing My Struggle
I'm sitting here at my keyboard trying to figure out how to start this very post, yet I can't think of a "fancy" way to do it. So here it goes... I've not shared with very many people the struggles I've been going through for several months now. While I won't go into details, there have been a lot emotionally trying things happening in our home to where I've been really down and my self-loathing is in full swing. I can easily get to a place where I'm beating myself up, saying how stupid I am; … [Read more...]
Do You Have Shiny-Object Syndrome?
Awe... The time-elusive Shiny-Object Syndrome (squirrel)... In other words - PROCRASTINATION! How quickly can we become distracted by something "shiny" that diverts our attention from what we either should or need to be doing? For me, it some times feels, it's all the time. There are things I'm supposed to be doing but don't feel like it. Forcing myself can be so difficult at times. But why is that, especially if I know it's something very important? I just shake my head because I can't give … [Read more...]
Is There Such a Thing as a Perfect Job?
I can remember from the time I was little dreaming of the job I’d want to do when I grew up. My dream to be a nurse started before I was 5 years old. I can remember sitting for an artist who drew one of those silly characters to where you have a little itty bitty body and your head is HUGE. He drew me like this as a nurse. I just knew this is what I wanted to be all through elementary school, junior high, and high school. I applied to colleges based on whether they had a nursing program or … [Read more...]
How Do I Get My Priorities Straight?
I've created something I like to call my "Daily Priorities Notebook". At first, I did it in a 3-subject, 120 sheet, college ruled, spiral bound notebook. The original idea started back in February 2016. The first day I did it was on February 29. I did it everyday until March 10, then missed three days, did it one more time on March 14, and then I stopped for a while. I picked it up again on my birthday last year (August 2, 2016) and only did it until August 9. On August 10 I got a weird … [Read more...]
5 Things to Find Happiness In
You might be thinking that the five things are going to be your stereotypical answers. Yet, the five things might shock you as the word "happy" rarely, if ever, is correlated to these five things: Our Weaknesses Insults Hard Times Suffering Calamities Who in their right might would think these five things can bring any sort of happiness? Certainly not me, at least in the world's view of happiness. However, as a believer, aren't we told to do just this? It says in 2 … [Read more...]
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