I’m sure those of you who have been following me here have noticed I went silent over the month of December. Most might think it was because of the holidays and in particularly Christmas. The thing is, I was looking forward to Christmas; however, Mari’s birthday was December 29 and she would have turned fourteen.
Man, fourteen years have come and gone since I gave birth to my precious little girl. Fourteen years. I still remember how difficult my pregnancy had been. How giving birth to her had been rough and even the start of her life hadn’t been easy with the cord wrapped around her neck as she was delivered. The next eight and half years changed my life in a way I could never have expected or anticipated as we watched her grow and found out she had autism.
After only eight and a half years the Lord decided it was time to bring Mari home to be with Him. She’d fulfilled her purpose on this earth. She’d touched so many hearts. She’d left her imprint on those around her. We were all blessed just for having known her.
For some reason this year had been harder for me that the past couple. The only reason I could come up with was because we are now in Alaska and Mari is buried back in Illinois so we can’t go and visit her grave any more. Every since she died and then we moved away in April 2010 due to Keith getting orders to move us to Fort Knox, Kentucky, we’d always gone back the Chicago area around her birthday and the day she died so we could go and visit her grave on those two days. Well, 2013 was different as we’d arrived into Alaska on May 27 last year so both July 16 and December 29 were going to be impossible for us to go and visit. I don’t think anyone has visit her grave now.
At the end of the day, I’m her mommy and it’s the parents who will care the most about visiting it. Even for Keith for him visiting the grave wasn’t as important. It’s not that he doesn’t miss our daughter because I know 100% without a shadow of doubt that he still does and always will, but it’s just that he looks at things differently than I do. In this case, going to the grave has always been very important to me. I think maybe it’s because from a tactile perspective it’s as close as I can get to physically touching her. I mean, I know I can never touch her body again, but her boy is still buried in the ground. She has a tombstone showing us where she’s at.
So, I cried more this year than usual. I ultimately made a decision to put my writing, editing and critiquing that needed to be done all on hold until I could get past this funk I was in. It’s slowly started to pass and I see myself getting more energized about writing. The time is coming for me to get hot again and then I’ll be off.
I have a question for all of you. How often would you like to hear from me on here? Everyday? Monday through Friday? Weekends? Five days a week? Four? Three? Two? One? Every two weeks? Once a month? Please let me know by putting your answer int he comment section below.
Also, what would you like to see me write about? More about me and how I’m doing? Doing the NaBloPoMo that I’ve been doing (until last month of course 🙂 )? Or something else that would work?