I sit here contemplating what my life is going to be like without Mariana. It has been 8 months since she passed. Then you are probably thinking, “Well, if it has been 8 months, shouldn’t she already know?” I can tell you first hand that I still don’t know. Eight months ago tomorrow my daughter was still here with us. Eight and half months ago she was still singing, and dancing, and being the bright and shining star we all know and love. Yet now that star is not shining and bright. It has been blown out here on earth. Although I know is that she is shining upon everyone up in heaven and bringing a smile to those around her.
When we are young it seems like 8 months takes forever. Eight months is almost the amount of time we are in school each year. Eight months is 2/3 of a year gone by. Eight months just seems to go by ever so quickly. And now Mari is gone. It seems to have gone by even quicker. Yet I still cannot see what my life is going to be like without Mari. It reminds me of when you are a kid trying to see what your future will hold for you when you are “all growd up”. I cannot see what the future really holds for me.
I had an old friend ask me tonight if Keith and I were planning to have any more kids. She actually said before she asked her question that she was not sure if it was even polite or ok to ask. I told her that her question was fine. Keith and I have talked about whether we are going to have more children and we just don’t know yet – at least not at this time. When and if we do have more children, I am sure we will have really contemplated over it.
Only 4 more months until she has been gone for one full year. ONLY 4 MONTHS!! It just does not seem possible that a year ago we had just moved and we were all so happy.